The Fourth Tip: Consider People

As girls, we are by nature, relational characters. Our world is primarily centered around our family and friends. Yet, we are often passive and receptive than we are intentional and purposeful in our relationships. We may allow people to drift in and out of our lives. We don’t usually stop to consider why we pursue a certain friendship or neglect another. Emotions and feelings often dictate the way we go about relationships.

Let's ask, "Do our relationships—the time we spend with our family and the friends we pursue—bring glory to God?"

Maybe you’re wondering, “How do I go about evaluating my relationships? What criteria do I use?” Thankfully, once again God’s Word provides clarity. We are exhorted to be intentional. Proverbs 12:26 tells us that: “The righteous should choose his friends carefully” (NKJV). So what kind of friends should we choose? Let’s briefly fly over Scripture to discover which friends (in addition to family, of course) should be on our list.

Note: All the following tips and descriptions were collected from the book “Shopping for Time.”

1. Friends who sharpen.
Our idea of a first-rate friend might be someone who’s easy to get along with, laughs at the same movie lines, shares our opinions on fashion and food, can finish our sentences, sticks by us in the rough going, and is free to hang out on a Friday night. Those are all great things, but in Scripture there is a friend quality of much greater value. Actually, it’s one we can’t afford to do without. The best kind of friend, according to Proverbs 27:17, is one who sharpens us as “iron sharpens iron” (NKJV). We need to have at least one—and preferably many—friends who inspire us to serve, provoke us to love, help us grow in godliness, correct us, strengthen our faith, and spur us on to passion for the Savior. So do any “sharpening” friends appear on your friends list? If not, we need to find some—and fast!

2. Friends who mentor.
As young women, we should ask ourselves: “Do I have a friend from whom I am learning some aspect of biblical womanhood?” If you have a godly mom, she’s to be your mentor. For the rest of us younger women, lets ask a mature woman in our church to teach us what she know about caring for the home, or glorifying God in the workplace, or walking in purity. A friend who mentors us deserves a prominent spot on our relationship list. Read through Titus 2:3-5 to get a better understanding

3. Friends who need friends.
It’s so easy, isn’t it, to get comfortable with our close friends, the gang, the group—dare we say it, the clique? While long time friends are a significant blessing from the Lord, we are also called to reach out to the new person. “Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers” exhorts Hebrews 13:1-2. Remember what it was like when you were new? To see other women chatting excitedly and to have no one to talk to? So let’s take a look around us: “Who is one new friend I should add to my list? And how can I reach out to her?”

4. Friends who need Salvation.
One of the ways we can make the best use of our time is by wise conduct around unbelievers. Often it is very easy for us to get consumed by our school, our work, or our responsibilities at home that we neglect the responsibility of evangelism. “Walk in wisdom toward others, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Colossians 4:5-6)

A Biblical Friend Loves

“A friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17)

Today, I want to focus on loving our siblings. There are many ways we can show concern and demonstrate a heart of love when it comes to our family members. The following are a few ways you can grow in your relationships with your brothers and sisters, whether older or younger. Take some time to read through them, and then ask yourself if you’ve been actively pursuing relationships with your siblings in a biblical form.

Respect one another—when you show respect for the territory, room, possessions, and privacy of another person your relationship with that person will grow tremendously.

Listen to one another—In any friendship, communication is key! You know how it is with a best friend—you could talk to them for hours…which means most of the time you are listening! Make it your goal to make better communication skills between your family members. Listening is a large part of communication. So reach out and get creative! Set up a regular coke date with your sibling. Talk, share, ask questions, catch up! And don’t be surprised if they come to you with their problems and ask you to please pray with them!

Share with one another—When I say share with one another, I don’t mean clothes and things. Share with one another what God’s been doing in your life or things He’s laying on your heart. And while you’re at it, take time to share the truths and verses your learning from the Bible. You never know when the verse you passed on verbally or in a written note will be just what they needed to get through a rough day!

Pray for one another—You simply cannot pray for your brothers and sisters enough! And remember, too, that when you pray for others, God changes your heart, gives you His love and wisdom, and many times moves in the hearts your praying for.

Encourage one another—Everyone can use encouragement! Yes, everyone can use a friendly word of encouragement from a sister who comes alongside them with cheerfulness. Everyone can use a “Way to go! Your doing great! Hang in there! I’m so glad you’re my sister!” And don’t forget to encourage one another in the Lord!

A Biblical Friend Encourages

“But exhort one another everyday, as long as it is called ‘today’” (Hebrews 3:13)

When was the last time you made an effort to encourage one of your friends? Encouragement is something that lacks within many friendships and it’s also something that builds friendships.

The friendships I’ve been sharing about are not necessarily just friends from school, church, or the next door neighbor. There are a few other friendships that we should consider. How is your relationship with your mom and sisters? Would you call yourselves best friends? If your mom or older sister is a godly example in your life than these two people should most definitely be your best friends! Do you have a younger sister? I can guarantee that your little sister is dying to have some one on one time with big sis. When is the last time you hung out together? Are you setting a godly example for her? They are watching your every move!

Why not take some time today to consider ways you can encourage someone. Have you recently noticed an evidence of grace in one of your friend's life? Let's make a list of our friends and think of ways to encourage them. Now, I’m not talking about your best friend from kinder garden who you’ve barely talked to in ten years. Think about the friends in your life who have been means of grace to you! It doesn’t take long! Just send them a quick e-mail/note, give them a call, or even the next time you see them you can tell them in person! Make sure you don’t leave out the boys! Think of ways to encourage your dad, brothers, or maybe even a young man in the church (make sure you use discretion on this one. You may want to consider running your encouraging words by your mom or dad before. Simply because we want to be careful with our words when communicating to guys)

Ephesians 4:29- “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

A Friend Who Fears the Lord

In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 God declares, “Two are better than one…For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” What is God teaching here? For one, He is teaching that friends are not optional! They are essential!

It’s not simply friends that are necessary to have, but godly friends. The Bible gets specific about what kind of friends we should have—and whom we should avoid.

***A biblical friend fears the Lord. “I am a companion of all who fear you, of those who keep your precepts. (Psalm 119:63)

The kind of friend that fears the Lord is one that realizes the consequences of sins. They have a fear of God in them and desire to bring Him glory in all things. A God fearing friend will also encourage you in your pursuit of fearing the Lord. Fear of man is something that hinders spiritual relationships from growing. If we’re fearing what other’s think of us, we’re most likely avoiding bringing observations of sin or being faithful to hold our friend accountable.

Recently on the blog “A Cup of Grace” (run by a few ladies from my church) they went through a series on being our sister’s keeper. A list of questions were provided that I found to be very helpful. Please read through them and evaluate your own life. Are you being faithful to be your sister’s keeper?

• Am I willing? Am I willing to be yoked together with others? Am I willing to help my sister’s in their struggles against sin? Am I willing to wash their feet?
• How can these truths affect your friendships with others and what will change look like?
• What typically hinders you from freely talking about your own sin and helping others with their sin, and how has this pattern negatively affected your relationships?